There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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