It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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