I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize