Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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