I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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