Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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