He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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