I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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