even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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