and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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