Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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