also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize