I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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