Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize