I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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