I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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