Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize