If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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