You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
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You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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