He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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