I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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