hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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