it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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