gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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