I just pynch a tree in the face
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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