Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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