I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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