I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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