Taylor Swift is so right about you.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize