Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize