I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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