i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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