We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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