the condom got lost in my hair
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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