You can't motorboat a personality
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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