I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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