if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize