And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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