How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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