i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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