If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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