so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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