Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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