My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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