remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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