birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
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I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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