bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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