I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize