How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize