if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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